you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
