I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
