My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize