Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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