I bet he comes in French.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
