I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you would pick up someone in the library
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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