just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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