Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So much Jack, so little girl.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
