so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
