it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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