i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
