Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
