Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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