Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
