Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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