i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
How external is "for external use only"?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
