I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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