I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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