Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
