Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
