She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
