So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
