no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
