I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
