I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
