you traded sex for a burrito?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
