Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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