it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
