meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
