Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
