Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
