I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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