lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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