...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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