ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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