We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
