There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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