i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
