It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
