We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
