there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I can't turn off my feet"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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