covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Randomize
