I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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