Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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