Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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