i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
