I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize