It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
