I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
