Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
