dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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