This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
