I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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