hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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