nut hugger
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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