Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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