apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
