i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
