TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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