I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
