Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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