Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
