whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I smell like Dick and happiness
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
