I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
