my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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