I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
