My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
