Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
