dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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