I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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