He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
that may or may not have been my penis.
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