Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
