hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
