fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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