is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just found puke in my bra..
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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