Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
