im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
