dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
