Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
