If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
did i just pee glitter
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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