i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
